Blind Faith

One of the things I’m good at is planning.  It comes naturally to me.  You have a goal, so you develop a strategy and tactics to accomplish that goal.  It’s simple.  It’s safe.  Sure, surprises may come up, but you deal with them along the way — as long as you have the plan, everything will be fine.

The problem comes when you begin to realize you may have to abandon the plan because it’s not working.  The long awaited thing you were hoping for just isn’t going to happen.  I’m sure you can relate.  It may not be the same set of circumstances that I’m facing, but in your life, there was probably a time when you realized a particular course of action wasn’t going to lead you anywhere.  Whether it was pursuing a member of the opposite sex who had no interest in you, trying to become a professional athlete, a prayer that just never seemed to get answered, realizing you weren’t going to get rich by selling Amway (or any other pyramid marketing product), you may have felt like it was time to give up on a certain goal.  But what happens when you do that?  Where do you go next?  What do you do when that thing you thought would be so right turned out to be wrong?

When I start doubting the plan, I turn to God — my strength, solace and compass.  Besides, just because one plan isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you can’t start again with a new plan.  As long as I’m following God’s will, I don’t usually mind a few twists and turns along the road. 

However, I feel frozen now at life’s metaphorical crossroads.  I’m not entirely certain that I should abandon the old plan, and I have no idea what the new plan should be.  It’s a strange place to be, a little frightening in fact because it doesn’t fit into my well planned life.  I know God has a plan.  The problem is that I just don’t know what it is yet. 

I really feel like God is trying to teach me something, to take me to a deeper relationship with Him.  I also feel like there’s a lesson in the struggle and frustration I’m experiencing during this transition, but right now the lesson is not entirely clear to me.  Hopefully, it will be one day.

During our church service this morning, I felt like God was asking me to step out and take a leap of faith, to follow Him even though I don’t know where He’s going.  Maybe it’s time to stop planning my life and let Him take the reins.  For better or worse, maybe it’s time to stop trying to be in control.  As a fiercely independent person, that’s not easy for me.  I’m not sure I’m ready, but maybe I need to relinquish control and follow Him blindly until the time is right and the next steps are revealed.  As the preacher (TF Tenney) said today, sometimes you have to “break up” to “break out”.   

My future may not turn out exactly the way I planned it, but that’s okay.  God has given me so many blessings in life that I really can’t complain.   I have the best husband in the world, an amazing family, supportive friends, and a loving church.  How can I ask for more?

So, here’s to the unknown future, a willing heart, blind faith, and a blank page ready to be written entirely by God’s hands.