Doing Housework Increases Intimacy
Last month, we covered The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman in our young married’s discussion group. During the session, I learned that my primary love language is “acts of service.” People who favor this language view chores and services as powerful expressions of love and devotion.
Apparently, I’m in good company. I was reading an article on cnn.com recently, and it stated that most married women find it attractive when their spouses share the household chores. I’m sure all of the men reading this right now are groaning. No one likes to do thankless work, but for some reason, it seems to fall mostly on the shoulders of women. The Council on Contemporary Families reports that men only do 30 percent of the housework. Maybe that’s why women appreciate it so much when they get a little help.
The good news for women is that researchers say men do more now than in the past. For example, in 1976, men did six hours of housework per week; in 2005, that had increased to about 13 hours. Now here’s the good news for the guys. According to an expert quoted in the article, a more equitable division of household duties may lead to more intimacy in the bedroom.
“When a man does housework, it feels to the woman like an expression of caring and concern, which then physically reduces her stress,” says Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of “The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework. A guy can be completely stressed out and want to have sex to burn it off, but women are not wired like that.” Instead, he says, women need to feel relaxed in order to feel sexy — and it’s hard to unwind when there are chores to be done and a husband who’s oblivious to them.
Maybe doing household duties isn’t so “thankless” after all. Men who help out will get rewarded with a less irritable (and less stressed) spouse — and they may get lucky more often.
