The Stroke Files: Week 19

It’s been almost 5 months since our lives were turned upside down by a stroke. Oh, how I’ve learned to despise that word. I had no idea how many people (young and old) experience strokes and how devastating they can be. I guess you can never fully comprehend something until it happens to you.

Since my father’s stroke, I’ve had numerous friends whose loved ones have also experienced strokes. Sadly, some were worse, but many weren’t as severe — for which I am thankful. A massive stroke is a special kind of hell that traps sufferers in their own bodies until the brain heals itself…if the brain heals itself.

My Dad is making progress, but it continues to be painfully slow. I think the worst part is that he still cannot communicate. That has to be the single most frustrating experience for all of us, especially him. The therapists equate it to being in a foreign country where no one speaks your language. At times, he can’t understand us, and we can’t understand him. Just imagine how difficult and lonely it would be if no one understood what you were saying for five months.

Yes, we’re learning how to overcome it, and he understands more of what we’re saying every day. Unfortunately, we don’t understand much of what he says. However, words (and some phrases) are beginning to come. They pop out randomly. He doesn’t have control over it, but it’s better than nothing. It’s fantastic when he opens his mouth and utters a word or a phrase that’s intelligible. I pray that his speech will continue to improve until one day he no longer has to struggle to communicate.

Since my father’s stroke, I’ve met a few people who have conquered their strokes. In fact, I recently met a man who experienced a massive stroke (including paralysis and the loss of communication skills) like my father. I had no idea. His speech was perfect, and he was participating in a 32-mile cycling event. I love hearing stories from those who have regained their lives after a 1-2 year battle. It’s encouraging.

I pray for the same experience with my father. If anyone can do it, he can. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t battle with my doubts. I have those internal struggles just like everyone else. I guess that’s normal. No one can say with any certainty what the future will hold. God promises that He will never forsake us, but He doesn’t guarantee that our lives will always be rosy. Sometimes He heals, and sometimes He doesn’t. It reminds me of an old song we used to sing:

I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from it’s sunshine,
For it’s skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don’t seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

I may not understand it, but I’m not alone. God knows exactly where I am and what I’m going through. He gives me strength. He gives me comfort. And, He holds my hand.